Can't
by consultingstarkofmischief
Summary: Set after 9x03, a continuation from that ending. Cas and Dean in Dean's room. Destiel. First Kiss. Some swearing.


BIG thank you to my lil sis and beta Esme.

This popped into my head after the episode, so here it is.

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"You can't stay here."

Heartbreak.

There was heartbreak on Cas's face.

Dean knew he had it on his own too.

"I...I..." Dean tried to clear his throat.

"I get it Dean." Cas dismissed, getting up and out of his chair..

"No, wait." Dean said grabbing the other man's arm.

"You do not want me here, I will not burden you any longer."

"Cas, I want you here…. I need you buddy. You don't know how worried I was, man."

"And yet I must leave?"

"It's not my choice. You know Sammy always comes first!"

"So, Sam does not want me here?" Cas asked.

"No it's not that. He does. It's just..." Dean struggled with the words, running his hand over his hair and face in frustration. He knew he would have to tell Cas, it was only fair, especially if he had to kick him out. "Can we finish this somewhere private? My room, I can't have Sam or Kevin overhearing this."

"As you wish," Cas left his food and followed Dean.

Dean led Cas through the bunker to where his room was. He felt his body slowly turn warm, his heart beat quickly drumming against his chest. He really didn't want Cas to leave, after all that work to find the guy and then seeing him die and come back. Despair replaced the feeling of joy and relief that he had only a few minutes earlier.

Once they were in his room, Dean closed the door and locked it, just in case. The less people that knew about Sam and Zeke living the Jekyll and Hyde life, the better.

"Well... this is my room." Dean presented.

"It is very you Dean. I like it." Cas commented, his eyes looking around the room taking in the way that Dean had decorated. His gaze lingered briefly at the photo of Dean and his mother, Mary.

"So, you can sit.. uh if you want."

"Thank you Dean," Cas looked, deciding between the chair and bed. The former angel sat on the edge of the latter, "This mattress is very comfortable."

"Uh yeah, its memory foam. It remembers me. Its awesome." Dean said with a fleeting smile.

There was a silence between the two. Dean really fucking hated this situation. He's been in it too many times. And every time, he fucking hated it.

Finally when the man can't just disappear, he has to send him off packing.

Fuck his life. Nothing is ever easy. He sighed heavily.

"I really want you to stay, you gotta know that. I need you here, man." Dean paced in front of his friend.

"I have nothing to offer, and I can no longer assist you…. It makes sense that I should leave."

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, "No! You are not useless! And I don't care about that crap. Mojo or not, dude you matter," Dean ran his hand over his hair and face. He turned to kick his nightstand in anger. Nothing is what it was supposed to be.

"Damn it, Cas!' he yelled with frustration. "You have to know this, you're…" his voice turned softer. "You're family. You're important."

Cas just looked at him with those sad, ocean blue eyes.

Dean sighed again and sat down next to Cas on his bed, their knees touching.

"I want you here, because you're you. Just Cas. Nothing more." Dean looked down and fiddled with his hands for a moment, until he looked up to see Cas's face.

Hesitantly, Dean moved his hands up and cupped Castiel's face, the stubble on his face prickling his them. Cas's eyes closed at the touch, relaxing in the hunters hands. The hopelessness that he felt when his friend was dead still briefly lingered, he held him the same way, only this time Cas was alive.

To know that his angel, that he has worked so damn hard to find, is here and still breathing was exactly what he needed. It's what he wants.

Dean subconsciously moved his thumbs down to feel the hot air come out Cas's nose, a sign that he really was alive and breathing. Dean gripped the nape of Cas's neck and loosened to move his thumbs down to trace his lips. In passing, Dean has noticed how they looked, plump and pink.

To actually touch his lips was new…..it was weird, but not a bad weird.

They were soft and rough, and probably could use some chapstick. Dean then moved his hands to encircle the back of Cas's neck loosely, his fingers subconsciously playing with the hair at the nape of the other man's neck. Cas's eyes fluttered open to stare back at Dean's green eyes. Their gazes locked, and they moved to rest their foreheads against each others.

Dean usually was on Cas's ass about personal space and all that crap, but that could go screw itself. He missed the shorter man. He almost lost him.

They could feel each others breath on their faces. Their eyes heavy lidded. Slowly, Dean moved, he felt his lips on the corner of Cas's mouth, feeling the stubble prickle against his own. He didn't care.

He was with his angel.

Dean pulled back, and took in the sight of Cas in front of him, pupils dilated, his eyes on his lips and his mouth slightly opened. One thought passed through Dean's head.

_Fuck it all._

Dean closed the space that was left between their faces, their lips meeting. Cas responded, his jaw working well against Dean's. Cas's hands came into play, grabbing Dean by his shirt, pulling him closer. Dean let out a gasp at the sudden roughness, and Cas took that opportunity to slip his tongue into Dean's mouth. Dean still tasted the burrito on Cas's tongue, and something that had to be simply Cas. Their tongues mingled as Dean felt Cas push him down on his back and straddle his lap.

Dean's thoughts were a mess. But the first and foremost thought was the drive to keep kissing. Although the next one was, _Holy shit I'm kissing Cas._

Their hands were roaming all over each other, wanting to touch as much as possible, making up for lost time. Cas kept going. His hands, one grabbing Dean's shoulder in the place where is hand print used to be, the other slipping under Dean's shirt to feel the strong muscle that resides there. His mouth trailed down, kissing and biting along his throat.

Dean was caught off guard, completely. More when he heard a moan come out of his lips after Cas bit down on a sensitive part of his throat. And especially when he heard Cas let out a growl, that sent chills up Dean's spine.

Wherever Cas learned that... was….wow.

Cas led his lips back up, their lips meeting again, and regretfully parted after having to breath again.

"That was...awesome." Dean breathed out.

"I would agree that.. was awesome," Cas smiled.

Both men laid there on Dean's bed, happy and sated for a few moments.

"Okay…" Dean's voice was shaky, not wanting to break the spell that was left, but forced himself to. "So...uh remember Ezekiel?" he asked.

"Ah yes," Cas faintly grinned. "He was a good soldier."

"Well….It's that Sammy was dead, or dying, and Zeke said he could help."

"So he healed your brother."

Dean grimaced, "Yes and no."

"Meaning?"

"Zeke wasn't strong enough, but he could...heal him from the inside."

A confused look came over Cas's face, "If you are saying that Sam is currently being Ezekiel's vessel, how is that if Sam was as far gone as you say?"

"Sam doesn't know he is. He doesn't know any of it. We... I had to lie to him. Trick him into saying yes. And Zeke was the one who helped find you, who healed you. He's the one who brought you back."

"Well I thank him for that, my continued life is much appreciated."

"But…..he's also the one that wants you to go. If you don't, he threatened to leave, and that would kill Sam. He's still not the same after going through the trials. And with the other angels going after you, Zeke is only so strong."

"I understand. Though I wish circumstances were different."

"So do I, man. I really do."

"Then I will leave for Sam's sake."

"Cas, just... stay for the night. Tomorrow I'll give you some supplies and stuff. Just... You don't have to leave right now...Please," Dean pleaded.

"Of course, Dean." Cas smiled at his hunter.

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thanks and i hope you enjoyed. reviews make me happy and feel fluffy, so please do.


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